If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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