Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
