i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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