i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Randomize