my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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