I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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