We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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