I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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