god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
