My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
