final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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