I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
