I molested 6 butterflies tonight
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
