walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
