I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
