the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize