She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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