It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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