Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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