If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
