Jerry, you need to find god
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
This is classic penis vs brain.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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