Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
