He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
