i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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