I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
