Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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