omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
