I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I love you. Go after that dick
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
