I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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