ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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