You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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