dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
