hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
