Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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