Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
