As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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