I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
