no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
my shit smells like andre
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
