I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
