Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
