I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Houston, we have a blender
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
