Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
