I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
