dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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