I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
