if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
