Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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