I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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