My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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