I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
