So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
