I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Randomize
