I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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