Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
