After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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