Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
