Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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