im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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