these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
