I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Randomize
