No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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