I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
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I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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