I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I lost the right to judge tonight
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
