He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
