Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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