for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
