We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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