I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
