I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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