Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
