Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
