wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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