you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
