think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
