i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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