Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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